response from a friend, my response back, and again, another RE:

Ok, so for those of you who read my last blog post, you know I was a bit upset about people making assumptions and being haters for no apparent reason other than to make themselves feel better about their own pathetic existence. I also posted it on my MySpace, and a dear friend of mine responded:

And I love you too..with all my fat, tattooed, blue haired (although currently blond) heart. It is very difficult to stomach some of the comments people have made about me on here and on the street. Some people just have a cruel streak and the anonymity of the web fuels their desires to be as mean as possible because they know they will never be "caught". I would love to say that I just let some of the more creative comments just roll off my back, but sometimes they stick and they hurt like hell. There is no stopping the haters of this world, if that is what feeds their fires then fine, but don't use my fat ass for fuel.

What a different world this would be if the people who wasted their energy on making fun of others applied it towards something useful? Imagine if, instead of making some snarky crack at someone who is just trying to live their life, you channel that energy into a more rewarding hobby..like successful suicide attempts or masturbation..either way, the world just might be a better place : )

And my response to her (which explains in detail about the situation that caused the initial rant):

Oh honey, don't I know it. What brought this on was a video I did (tastefully nude) talking about when I was an art model, and a few other things, like how I like my stretched out belly and I don't care if people think I'm fat. Some Brit chav wanker decided to make a video response where he goes on about how I'm using my pregnancy as an excuse to stuff my face and be lazy. What's hilarious about this is that I'm not overweight because of overeating. In fact, I should probably eat more than I do; I have a tendency to ignore hunger until I'm lightheaded. which I know is probably just as bad as overeating, but the reason why I do this is psychological, based on the knowledge that most foods available are processed, filled with chemicals and god knows what else. When I go to the grocery store, and every time I open the refrigerator, I see poison. This is why Joe and I are starting a garden this year, and hopefully in the near future we'll be able to move somewhere with more land and have chickens, etc.
At any rate, it just sickened me that this guy thinks I sit around all day eating. I sit around all day working and forgetting to eat! Not that I really care what some scumbag across the world thinks of me, especially since he obviously knows nothing about me, but still... Aside from hereditary factors, part of the reason I got as big as I am is that nasty Mountain Dew habit you'll recall me having some years back. High Fructose Corn syrup is one of the major causes for obesity in the US, and it's in DAMN NEAR EVERYTHING! I mean, literally... it's in relish, it's in crackers, it's in yogurt... next time you go shopping, look and see how many items have HFCS listed in the ingredients. And, even if I did have an awesome appetite, all that Mountain Dew has fucked up my teeth so badly that I have a hard time chewing a lot of things, and I have to be very careful what I eat, and how I eat. Every meal starts with trepidation because if I chew just slightly wrong, I could end up with a toothache like whoa. How I am still overweight is a mystery to me, although I will admit that all winter I just sat around the house and the only exercise I got was having sex. Bet dude can't say the same, hahaha!
I think this guy felt threatened by me, because I made it quite clear that I have no hang ups, that I'm confident, and I love myself. I think that scared him because frankly, all his channel on youtube consists of are video responses wherein he rags on other people's videos. Definitely a basement dweller who needs assistance from roofies to get laid, no doubt. OH! But here I am making assumptions, oopsy. Well, whatever the reason for his actions, he's in the minority. Most people who saw my video felt inspired, told me I was brave, and I guess I was, but I ended up not allowing comments and video responses after that jackass said what he said because I shouldn't have to put up with abuse from immature losers with too much time on their hands.


Anyway darlin, ranty mcrantsalot is going over and out. much love to you and the man and the kids.
xoxox


That's all I'm gonna say about this issue, I'm washing my hair of it completely. I did stick up for myself, or tried to at least what with the 500 character limit youtube gives you for comments. He hasn't replied, he probably realized what a dumb twat he was for making assumptions. But it's whatever. I don't want to waste my energy on being mad at people for being nasty and stupid. Fuck the haters. I'm gonna go do some yard work now.

Oh wait, update:
THANK YOU!!! Finally someone else who believes what I have been trying to tell people since I read fast food nation years ago. HFCS is the devil! and not the good, free margaritas, topless dancers kinda devil either. It effects the liver, is the #1 reason for the rise in childhood diabetes, is an indigestible form of double saccharides so your body produces twice as much insulin to combat it, but it doesn't break down so it hits your liver like a full force chemical bomb. We have done all we can to not purchase any foods that have it as an ingredient and when I find it in diet products like Diet Snapple and light salad dressings I write complaint letters. The stuff is pure poison. Years ago everyone was all about diets with no refined sugar, claiming they were nutritionally void, but HFCS is 100 times worse. It was created by Japanese scientists in the late 50's as a way to fatten cattle and provide cheaper, stronger sweeteners. Fuck that!
I will have to check out your you tube dealie later. Honey, if you are confident and comfortable being nude, then jam out with your clam out! Don't let some clogged douche nozzle wreck your good times. You are much too smart and way to beautiful for that kinda crap-o-la. Good luck playing farmer green jeans with Joe. Grow a nice big zucchini then make a video to let that British pooh stick know where he can stick it.
Love & stuff,
Cheri

insecurity, judgment, and how it affects all of us.

I watched a video this morning on YouTube on a channel called UnificationNow. It came at the right time for me, to reaffirm my beliefs as far as why anyone would feel the need to lash out at someone they don't know. You know, the kind of libelous assumptions that make the people who put that kind of attitude out there just plain ugly, no matter what their external appearance may be. It's pretty sad, actually. When people on the internet try and put me down, I know that their insecurities, fears, and other negative factors in their lives are what brings it about. It's not easy to look past the anger of a verbal assault on you, especially when it's coming from someone you don't know, and will probably never meet. They take one moment that you've decided to share with the world, begin to build an idea based on pure speculation of who you are, and then try and play karma police on you, or just flat out insult you. No logic involved whatsoever. No consideration of their victim's past experiences, lifestyle, morals, or anything. An instant in time, a flash of emotion, a rash of assumptions, a lashing out, and then MAYBE (but doubtful) guilt upon realizing that they just regressed any progress towards peace that humanity as a whole has been struggling for. For most people, it's impossible to not fight back. Or get revenge. For me, I prefer to either set the record straight in a mature manner (unless of course, I've had no coffee... I won't make the mistake of checking comments before I've had at least a full cup again!) or just follow the read-ignore-block-delete method. I understand that these people are just sheeple, they don't know any better, and it is a coping mechanism - it makes them feel better to put someone else down. It's sad, but it's true, and you can't change them. Their life experiences have brought them there, and all you can hope for is that someday the karma police will come knocking on their door to teach them a lesson. Because really, it's just like any drug - they feel better about themselves for the moment, but then they've got to go find someone else to put down if the drama doesn't unfold, or if it gets boring to them. Or, if they start to realize that they're being pathetic. Then the defenses really come out.
Let's face it, we've all been programmed to judge others based on all kinds of criteria. Hey, I've done it. I don't bother anymore because I've come to that understanding that people are gonna do what they want to do. I worry about myself before I worry about what other people are doing that I may not agree with. I can accept and understand the roots of any problem, and fighting against it is just a tremendous waste of energy. Understanding it, accepting it, and moving along is what works best for me. I don't wish to deal with anyone that has some kind of megalomaniacal complex, thinking they are better than everyone else. We're all connected, we need to accept that. We need to accept one another. We have to agree to disagree - but we also need to make an effort to gain an understanding of all the criteria that could be involved in a situation before rising to slander someone. And besides, is slandering anyone *really* necessary? Some things shouldn't be forgiven, but those things are up to you and your personal morals, I guess.

I think the thing that has been bothering me most is how judgment is slung at people for their appearance. Some aspects of human appearance can be helped, some can't. But who the fuck is anyone to judge? The real value of a person should absolutely not ever be dictated by their external appearance. I don't care if you're this race, that race, heavy, skinny, blue hair, blonde hair, long nails, short nails, tattooed or not.... it doesn't fucking matter! Any individual's TRUE worth is on the inside. Their understanding, compassion, spirit, personality, abilities... There should be no other way, but sadly, many people in this world are shallow and empty. They got that way being brainwashed by the media and being affected by other people who have also been brainwashed by the media. You can't deny it, as scary and paranoid as the word "brainwashed" sounds, have a seat and think very hard about how television, magazines, the news, and the internet affect your views on the world and how they affect the views of cultures around the world. You can't afford not to if you want to start to lead a happy and fulfilling life. If you don't want to live a happy and fulfilling life, well, that's on you. Keep me and the people I love out of it and go hang out in your dark corner alone, hating everything if that's really what you want. Don't think I don't know what it's like to be filled with hate, because I have been there. But I realized it doesn't solve anything and it doesn't make me feel anything but more hate. Hate breeds hate, love breeds love. Figure out which side you want to be on, and learn from it. Just because you've been shit on doesn't mean the world is your toilet.
I can't rant about this anymore. I think I could write a book about this.

If you're reading this, forget the bullshit. You are beautiful. I love you.

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.

Green Day- "Reject"
Who the hell are you to tell me,
What I am and what's my master plan?
What makes you think that it includes you?
Self-righteous wealth?
Stop flattering yourself.

So when the smoke clears here I am,
Your reject all-American,
Sucking up to your social sect,
Making you a nervous wreck,
To hell and back and hell again I've gone,
You're not my type.
Not my type.

What's the difference between you and me?
I do what I want, and you do what you're told,
So listen up shut the hell up.
It's no big deal.
And I'll see you in hell.

So when the smoke clears here I am,
Your reject all-American,
Sucking up to your social sect,
Making you a nervous wreck,
To hell and back and hell again I've gone,
You're not my type,
Not my type,
Not my type,
Your not my type.

So when the smoke clears here I am,
Your reject all-American.
Falling from grace, right on my face,
To hell and back and hell again I've gone.