au naturale

Ooh! Good morning, peoples. I've just been watching some videos made by Goddess Glory, and yet again, I'm so amazed that there's someone else out there who who has similar ideas about things as I do. In this video, she talks about being natural - not using beauty products and so on.



Now, I've had my moments. For the most part, I was never really one to wear makeup, use lotions, hair spray, or any of that garbage. I will say I do like to dye my hair, but in recent months I've been thinking about stopping that, because there's really nothing wrong with my natural color, I'm trying to let my hair grow long, and I don't want it to be ten different colors. I have always liked the look of "unnatural" hair colors - I've had my hair red, blue, green, purple, pink - every color imaginable, sometimes all at once. But in order to achieve those colors, bleaching my hair is necessary, and that's a process I have always hated. And then, once my hair is some beautiful shade of pink or whatever, every time I go to the store, I get stared at like I'm some kind of alien or something. I never dyed my hair "weird" colors for attention, I always just did it because I love being colorful. But I hate it when I go out in public and people stare at me. I like to move about mostly unnoticed. So I made a conscious decision to cut out the whole hair dying thing. I recently dyed my hair a shade of red that is close to my natural color, just to cover up the blue/green monstrosity that it was a couple months ago.
As far as makeup, I didn't even own anything but some Burt's Bees lip gloss until I started doing smoking fetish videos. I totally fell for that whole idea that I have to get "made up" for the fetish audience to enjoy my videos. I have to thank Glory for shaking me out of that, because I got into this whole fetish thing and left behind a lot of my beliefs in doing so. No wonder I've been so unhappy and confused about the whole thing. I will say that I invested in some Pearl Ex to use for eyeshadow, because I do like to get outlandishly made up sometimes, and all Pearl Ex is, is mica powder. That's the main ingredient in most makeup, but then they go and add a bunch of bullshit that you shouldn't be putting on your face. I honestly don't think I'm even gonna bother with that anymore.
I have really been struggling with the whole idea of doing fetish modeling because I'm so fiercely independent and I do not want to change my interior OR my exterior just to please other people. Why the fuck should I? When it comes right down to it, my boyfriend, my friends, and my family all love me and think I'm beautiful just the way I am. So in all honesty, if the people who watch my videos don't like it, they can go watch someone else's videos, because I am always going to do what I want. This is why I don't want to do custom videos anymore, because I'm not an actress, I don't like to play pretend, and why should I sacrifice anything of myself just for some dude in buttfuck wherever to jerk off to? What, for the money? No. See, I like making videos, but I'm not in it just for the money. I was at first, and that came from this desperation to get the bills paid. But I want to do all kinds of things, many of which have nothing at all to do with the sex industry, to get my survival on. I want to make art, grow food, and literally a hundred other things that I could do to survive, express myself, be happy, help others, and get some income as well.
So yeah, that's it. I am who I am, I look how I look. If you don't like it, the door is over that way. I'm not going to change for anyone, and anyone who tries to get me to change has no right, and no respect. Fuck society's ideals of beauty. So what if you think I'm fat, or ugly? You don't know what you're missing out on if all you can see is the exterior. I have been in the process of changing my lifestyle for a while now, and the only reasons I'm doing it is for health, for the earth, and not for looks. Hey smoking fetishists, guess what? I'm thinking very hard about quitting cigarettes. Awww, poor you. I feel bad about it only because my boyfriend has the smoking fetish, and a big part of why I got into this was for him. But I am pissed about getting duped by Big Tobacco, which is why I started smoking handrolled natural tobacco 6 years ago. And I know that Joe has enough respect for me and my health that he isn't going to try and stop me. He might razz me a bit, that's just in his nature, and I know that he isn't gonna quit smoking anytime soon. I won't try to make him, either. Quitting is something a person must decide to do on their own. I'll still rock the herbs, however - that will never change. I might even make videos of that, just for the hell of it. But there isn't a single one of you who will come to me and talk shit, because it will go ignored. I will always do what I want, and like I said, if you don't like it, there's the door. Peace.

day one of planting

Oh my, am I beat. Joe and I dug out a nice big spot on the side of the house, filled it in with gardening soil, fertilizer, and manure, mixed it all up, and got to planting some veggies. We only got as far as carrots, radishes, and onions before the sun started going down and the temperature dropped... We'll be finishing up tomorrow. I also got a mini greenhouse of tomatoes going as well. What a great way to celebrate Earth Day (albeit a little early, but whatever.) We'll be planting butternut squash, cucumbers, chives, broccoli, and a few varieties of lettuce. Very exciting!! Well, more for us than for you, probably, dear reader. Sorry! ;)

one step closer...

We are beginning our path to self sufficient living this weekend. Although ideally we would like to find a piece of land in Maine or New Hampshire and build a yurt or log cabin on it, for now, we're gonna work with what we have. We're on about 4 acres now, which is mostly forest. I started the huge task of raking yesterday - we've got enough leaves and pine needles to choke 1000 horses. We'll probably have to burn most of the dead leaves, but I want to build a composter sometime in the next couple of weeks.
The soil here is sandy, rocky, and rooty, so we're gonna have to dig out a spot for the garden and fill it with soil before we begin planting the veggies and herbs. More work, but it's necessary... I tried to grow an herb garden last year and the only thing that came up was sage. The bugs got to it before I did, however, and it died pretty quickly. We're gonna have to plant some mint around the garden so that the insects don't eat everything before it even gets to grow.
I'm really excited about this because I am tired of eating all the processed bullshit from the grocery store. Whatever we can't grow, we're going to get from local farmers. So it's not as convenient as just going to the store, but we're both at the point where we could give a shit about convenience - we're sick of being poisoned, and sick of putting our money into corporations. People didn't always live like this, and our generation has been brought up thinking that it's normal. Well, it isn't. Call me crazy, but I want to count on myself for survival and not have to shell out a bunch of money for a bunch of crap. So, here we go. Joe will be documenting our progress in his blog, and I'll be doing the same.

response from a friend, my response back, and again, another RE:

Ok, so for those of you who read my last blog post, you know I was a bit upset about people making assumptions and being haters for no apparent reason other than to make themselves feel better about their own pathetic existence. I also posted it on my MySpace, and a dear friend of mine responded:

And I love you too..with all my fat, tattooed, blue haired (although currently blond) heart. It is very difficult to stomach some of the comments people have made about me on here and on the street. Some people just have a cruel streak and the anonymity of the web fuels their desires to be as mean as possible because they know they will never be "caught". I would love to say that I just let some of the more creative comments just roll off my back, but sometimes they stick and they hurt like hell. There is no stopping the haters of this world, if that is what feeds their fires then fine, but don't use my fat ass for fuel.

What a different world this would be if the people who wasted their energy on making fun of others applied it towards something useful? Imagine if, instead of making some snarky crack at someone who is just trying to live their life, you channel that energy into a more rewarding hobby..like successful suicide attempts or masturbation..either way, the world just might be a better place : )

And my response to her (which explains in detail about the situation that caused the initial rant):

Oh honey, don't I know it. What brought this on was a video I did (tastefully nude) talking about when I was an art model, and a few other things, like how I like my stretched out belly and I don't care if people think I'm fat. Some Brit chav wanker decided to make a video response where he goes on about how I'm using my pregnancy as an excuse to stuff my face and be lazy. What's hilarious about this is that I'm not overweight because of overeating. In fact, I should probably eat more than I do; I have a tendency to ignore hunger until I'm lightheaded. which I know is probably just as bad as overeating, but the reason why I do this is psychological, based on the knowledge that most foods available are processed, filled with chemicals and god knows what else. When I go to the grocery store, and every time I open the refrigerator, I see poison. This is why Joe and I are starting a garden this year, and hopefully in the near future we'll be able to move somewhere with more land and have chickens, etc.
At any rate, it just sickened me that this guy thinks I sit around all day eating. I sit around all day working and forgetting to eat! Not that I really care what some scumbag across the world thinks of me, especially since he obviously knows nothing about me, but still... Aside from hereditary factors, part of the reason I got as big as I am is that nasty Mountain Dew habit you'll recall me having some years back. High Fructose Corn syrup is one of the major causes for obesity in the US, and it's in DAMN NEAR EVERYTHING! I mean, literally... it's in relish, it's in crackers, it's in yogurt... next time you go shopping, look and see how many items have HFCS listed in the ingredients. And, even if I did have an awesome appetite, all that Mountain Dew has fucked up my teeth so badly that I have a hard time chewing a lot of things, and I have to be very careful what I eat, and how I eat. Every meal starts with trepidation because if I chew just slightly wrong, I could end up with a toothache like whoa. How I am still overweight is a mystery to me, although I will admit that all winter I just sat around the house and the only exercise I got was having sex. Bet dude can't say the same, hahaha!
I think this guy felt threatened by me, because I made it quite clear that I have no hang ups, that I'm confident, and I love myself. I think that scared him because frankly, all his channel on youtube consists of are video responses wherein he rags on other people's videos. Definitely a basement dweller who needs assistance from roofies to get laid, no doubt. OH! But here I am making assumptions, oopsy. Well, whatever the reason for his actions, he's in the minority. Most people who saw my video felt inspired, told me I was brave, and I guess I was, but I ended up not allowing comments and video responses after that jackass said what he said because I shouldn't have to put up with abuse from immature losers with too much time on their hands.


Anyway darlin, ranty mcrantsalot is going over and out. much love to you and the man and the kids.
xoxox


That's all I'm gonna say about this issue, I'm washing my hair of it completely. I did stick up for myself, or tried to at least what with the 500 character limit youtube gives you for comments. He hasn't replied, he probably realized what a dumb twat he was for making assumptions. But it's whatever. I don't want to waste my energy on being mad at people for being nasty and stupid. Fuck the haters. I'm gonna go do some yard work now.

Oh wait, update:
THANK YOU!!! Finally someone else who believes what I have been trying to tell people since I read fast food nation years ago. HFCS is the devil! and not the good, free margaritas, topless dancers kinda devil either. It effects the liver, is the #1 reason for the rise in childhood diabetes, is an indigestible form of double saccharides so your body produces twice as much insulin to combat it, but it doesn't break down so it hits your liver like a full force chemical bomb. We have done all we can to not purchase any foods that have it as an ingredient and when I find it in diet products like Diet Snapple and light salad dressings I write complaint letters. The stuff is pure poison. Years ago everyone was all about diets with no refined sugar, claiming they were nutritionally void, but HFCS is 100 times worse. It was created by Japanese scientists in the late 50's as a way to fatten cattle and provide cheaper, stronger sweeteners. Fuck that!
I will have to check out your you tube dealie later. Honey, if you are confident and comfortable being nude, then jam out with your clam out! Don't let some clogged douche nozzle wreck your good times. You are much too smart and way to beautiful for that kinda crap-o-la. Good luck playing farmer green jeans with Joe. Grow a nice big zucchini then make a video to let that British pooh stick know where he can stick it.
Love & stuff,
Cheri

insecurity, judgment, and how it affects all of us.

I watched a video this morning on YouTube on a channel called UnificationNow. It came at the right time for me, to reaffirm my beliefs as far as why anyone would feel the need to lash out at someone they don't know. You know, the kind of libelous assumptions that make the people who put that kind of attitude out there just plain ugly, no matter what their external appearance may be. It's pretty sad, actually. When people on the internet try and put me down, I know that their insecurities, fears, and other negative factors in their lives are what brings it about. It's not easy to look past the anger of a verbal assault on you, especially when it's coming from someone you don't know, and will probably never meet. They take one moment that you've decided to share with the world, begin to build an idea based on pure speculation of who you are, and then try and play karma police on you, or just flat out insult you. No logic involved whatsoever. No consideration of their victim's past experiences, lifestyle, morals, or anything. An instant in time, a flash of emotion, a rash of assumptions, a lashing out, and then MAYBE (but doubtful) guilt upon realizing that they just regressed any progress towards peace that humanity as a whole has been struggling for. For most people, it's impossible to not fight back. Or get revenge. For me, I prefer to either set the record straight in a mature manner (unless of course, I've had no coffee... I won't make the mistake of checking comments before I've had at least a full cup again!) or just follow the read-ignore-block-delete method. I understand that these people are just sheeple, they don't know any better, and it is a coping mechanism - it makes them feel better to put someone else down. It's sad, but it's true, and you can't change them. Their life experiences have brought them there, and all you can hope for is that someday the karma police will come knocking on their door to teach them a lesson. Because really, it's just like any drug - they feel better about themselves for the moment, but then they've got to go find someone else to put down if the drama doesn't unfold, or if it gets boring to them. Or, if they start to realize that they're being pathetic. Then the defenses really come out.
Let's face it, we've all been programmed to judge others based on all kinds of criteria. Hey, I've done it. I don't bother anymore because I've come to that understanding that people are gonna do what they want to do. I worry about myself before I worry about what other people are doing that I may not agree with. I can accept and understand the roots of any problem, and fighting against it is just a tremendous waste of energy. Understanding it, accepting it, and moving along is what works best for me. I don't wish to deal with anyone that has some kind of megalomaniacal complex, thinking they are better than everyone else. We're all connected, we need to accept that. We need to accept one another. We have to agree to disagree - but we also need to make an effort to gain an understanding of all the criteria that could be involved in a situation before rising to slander someone. And besides, is slandering anyone *really* necessary? Some things shouldn't be forgiven, but those things are up to you and your personal morals, I guess.

I think the thing that has been bothering me most is how judgment is slung at people for their appearance. Some aspects of human appearance can be helped, some can't. But who the fuck is anyone to judge? The real value of a person should absolutely not ever be dictated by their external appearance. I don't care if you're this race, that race, heavy, skinny, blue hair, blonde hair, long nails, short nails, tattooed or not.... it doesn't fucking matter! Any individual's TRUE worth is on the inside. Their understanding, compassion, spirit, personality, abilities... There should be no other way, but sadly, many people in this world are shallow and empty. They got that way being brainwashed by the media and being affected by other people who have also been brainwashed by the media. You can't deny it, as scary and paranoid as the word "brainwashed" sounds, have a seat and think very hard about how television, magazines, the news, and the internet affect your views on the world and how they affect the views of cultures around the world. You can't afford not to if you want to start to lead a happy and fulfilling life. If you don't want to live a happy and fulfilling life, well, that's on you. Keep me and the people I love out of it and go hang out in your dark corner alone, hating everything if that's really what you want. Don't think I don't know what it's like to be filled with hate, because I have been there. But I realized it doesn't solve anything and it doesn't make me feel anything but more hate. Hate breeds hate, love breeds love. Figure out which side you want to be on, and learn from it. Just because you've been shit on doesn't mean the world is your toilet.
I can't rant about this anymore. I think I could write a book about this.

If you're reading this, forget the bullshit. You are beautiful. I love you.

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.

Green Day- "Reject"
Who the hell are you to tell me,
What I am and what's my master plan?
What makes you think that it includes you?
Self-righteous wealth?
Stop flattering yourself.

So when the smoke clears here I am,
Your reject all-American,
Sucking up to your social sect,
Making you a nervous wreck,
To hell and back and hell again I've gone,
You're not my type.
Not my type.

What's the difference between you and me?
I do what I want, and you do what you're told,
So listen up shut the hell up.
It's no big deal.
And I'll see you in hell.

So when the smoke clears here I am,
Your reject all-American,
Sucking up to your social sect,
Making you a nervous wreck,
To hell and back and hell again I've gone,
You're not my type,
Not my type,
Not my type,
Your not my type.

So when the smoke clears here I am,
Your reject all-American.
Falling from grace, right on my face,
To hell and back and hell again I've gone.

Banksy Rules.

Thanks a lot!

Censorship 2.0
Governmental anti-porn efforts pose a constant threat.

Wow... Yet another right they're trying to take away from us.
Censorship is just plain WRONG, no matter what genre of entertainment it is. Everyone should have the ability to self-censor, and parents worried about their kids should take a more active role in parenting instead of saying "The evil porn is bad and I don't want my kids to see it so it should be stopped!"

This wouldn't be happening if people in our society were brought up with healthy attitudes about sex. Sex ed classes are a joke, adults tell children that sex is bad, everyone has fucking hang ups about their bodies and their fantasies, and it's even gotten to the point where women and men alike want to be sexually abused.

This is ridiculous, and I'm just appalled. Who are they to judge what's obscene? And furthermore, when something is labeled "bad", the kids run to see what the fuss is all about - it's been proven time and time again. Stop demonizing everything already. Just let it be! The people who want this kind of entertainment should be allowed to have it, and the people who make their living off it should be able to as well. It all works out very nicely until the government gets their sticky fingers in it (and trust me, they aren't all prudes in Washington... The boys just adore their whores!)

this is CRUELTY, not art!

PLEASE REPOST

In 2007, the 'artist' Guillermo Vargas Habacuc, took a dog from the street, tied him to a rope in an art gallery, and starved him to death.

For several days, the 'artist' and the visitors of the exhibition have watched emotionless the shameful 'masterpiece' based on the dog's agony,until eventually he died.

Does it look like art to you?

But this is not all... the prestigious Visual Arts Biennial of the Central American decided that the 'installation' was actually art, so that Guillermo Vargas Habacuc has been invited to repeat his cruel action for the biennial of 2008.

PLEASE HELP STOP HIM.

It takes a second to help put a stop to animal abuse.

SIGN THIS PETITION BY GOING TO:

http://www. petitiononline. com/ea6gk/petition. html

Environmentally conscious smoking

I've just finished filming a quick video blog on how to be an environmentally conscious smoker. I'll have it ready and up on youtube by tomorrow. for more information, visit these sites:
Peter Stokkebye (The company that makes my preferred brand of all-natural rolling tobacco, Bali Shag)

CigaretteLitter.org

UPDATE: The video is done.

excerpt from a message to one of my submissive admirers.

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I filled 2 dv tapes the night before last and my brain is leaking out my ears from all the editing I've done and still need to do.
I can't remember exactly what my response was to your message. I know I told ya a little about the direction I'm trying to go with the whole online domination thing. At first I was feeling pretty uncomfortable about playing any type of role. I wanted to be myself, but how could I fit into the financial domination role with my strong views on consumerism and greed? Well, I think I have all that figured out, due to some heavy duty thinking, and also some inspiration from a Chicago Domme I've been talking to - she's totally my sister from another mother, and it's great to have conversations with her because we teach each other and learn from each other. It's inspiring to me, in a business where so many women are so focused on their jealousy of others to find a woman like myself who wants to share ideas and make things better for the world, using the sex industry as a tool for empowerment instead of objectification.
It's hard to say whether taking this approach is going to work well for me in a business sense, but I can be happy knowing that I'm not pretending to be a greedy princess just to pay the bills. I'm glad to have made contact with you, because I know you understand where I'm coming from on this - hell, you wrote articles for Adbusters, so I *know* you get it. I hope that I can attract other submissive men and women like yourself instead of the ones who just want to see me be something I'm not and could never feel comfortable being.
I'd like to achieve the social, DIY, and earth conscious lifestyle that I want to live as opposed to most findommes who just want to live in luxury. FUCK luxury, I want to live in a yurt and grow my own food, and create art and music and whatever else I feel like doing. I want to fuck the system even more than I already do. I want my freedom to come about through the willing slavery of others. I want my slaves to feel like they have a purpose, I don't want to degrade them, I want to use them the way they want to be used, but not just for the sake of making them feel like shit. It's not in my nature to abuse people, and besides, I prefer the sensual aspects of BDSM over the abusive aspects.
So yeah, that's where I'm at. Business is slow, to answer your question, but until the last week or so I was slacking, anyway. I'm writing about some of this stuff in my new blog so check that out, cuz I'm updating it regularly. I could seriously spew about this shit for hours, a ton has been on my mind lately, as I'm sure you can tell. I think I'm going to publish this message in my blog as well, because what I wrote before was kind of cryptic and this is much more to the point.

technological slavery

WTF?
In Web World of 24/7 Stress, Writers Blog Till They Drop

All I can say, really, is WOW. Some people really bring it on themselves, but the system is no help.
For the love of god and all that is holy, PEOPLE! Quit running yourselves into the ground for the machine. Please?

today's agenda: editing videos

Yep, I'm back in the swing of having the camcorder running for hours... Last night I completed a really fun custom video (much of it will be edited into short pieces, some will be on youtube and others will be on clips4sale) where I play a nervous wife about to meet my in-laws for the first time (I guess they must have been globetrotting when the wedding happened, LOL!) and I decide to get wasted on bong hits and wine coolers to calm my nerves while I get ready to meet them. Next thing ya know, I'm putting on ridiculous makeup and slutty clothes! Kinda funny, I think. I squeezed into the corset that was bought specifically for the shoot, but let me just say... NEVER AGAIN. That fuckin thing is a goddamned torture device!!! Corsets look nice and all, but uh, I like being able to breathe and bend down to put my shoes on and things like that, so yeah. No more corsets for me, thanks! Anyway, I did get a lot of cool shots and some good smoking clips, so expect to see some of it up tonight. I'll be spending my day editing and talking to Rebekah.
So after I finished the scenes I needed to do for this custom, Joe & I decided to do another Smoky Kisses clip - this one's even hotter than the first one we did! By this point, we were both so horned up that we just kept filming... He fucked me from behind while I smoked his Camel cigarettes and then he turned me over and fucked me until I came. And then I gave him a smoky blowjob! Crazy hot night, people - I'm tellin ya. And we got all of it on tape. Stay tuned...

read this.

Being a Radical Woman

This sums everything up!

lol.

yanno...

I fuckin hate drama, and I hate it even more when I find myself in it. This is why I am a hermit in the woods, because you have this 50-50% chance with every person that you meet that either you can be chill with them, or you can't. I'm not gonna get into details here, but let me just say right quick, that I hate it when people try to manipulate me. It's obnoxious.